If only I felt better at work!

Here’s something a bit different you might like to try.

Step 1. Imagine you ask your colleagues to write down how they feel working in your team or organisation. Anonymous is fine. Keep it simple. Don’t overthink it.
Step 2. Then ask them to divide their words into 2 columns: I’d like to feel more …. and I’d like to feel less …

Here’s an example from a large team I worked with recently. They’d like to feel less …

And they’d like to feel more …

I then asked them: What needs to happen for you to feel less of the energy-sapping stuff and more of the energising stuff?
What do you think they said?
Their responses were fairly typical of what I hear when people ask me for help in their relationships, teams and culture at work:

• If Only he would understand / take some responsibility / consider people’s feelings / communicate better / show some leadership / be more transparent / realise the damage he’s causing / turn his camera on / do his fair share / be willing to discuss options…

• If Only she’d stop ignoring my emails / taking all the credit /being so stubborn / stirring things up / causing trouble / lying to my face / blaming everyone else / micromanaging us / avoiding the problem / being so childish…

• If Only they would invest more / pay better attention / take things more seriously / make some decisions / do what they promise / just tell the truth / show some compassion / take people with them / listen to our concerns / focus on results…

If Only there wasn’t so much tension / gossip / racism / sexism / prejudice / toxic behaviour / incompetence / hypocrisy / topdown control / bullying / drama…

In a nutshell: If Only he, she or they would change! Does this sound at all familiar?

Step 3: With your team or colleagues, invite people to write down their list of If Onlys! At first, this can feel cathartic! And then, it becomes revealing …
Step 4: Inquire - How much energy are we putting into wishing someone else would change or do things differently? And how’s that wish turning out for us?

Here’s the thing. If Only keeps you and your colleagues where you are. It traps you in waiting for someone else to change.
I wonder: how long are you going to wait? One year? Five years? Some people have been waiting almost their whole career for “them” to change their ways.

Over time, it breeds frustration, a sense of powerlessness, a vicious cycle of colleagues taking things out on each other, getting hacked off and becoming resigned to this being as good as it gets.

Every time you wish “if only”, you give a bit more of your power away to the nebulous “them”.

Step 5: Consider - Perhaps time is up for “if only they would” and the time has come for “only we can”. What difference would this make to how we feel - individually and together?

You can find more examples, and practical ways to make this shift in your teams in my forthcoming book – The Culture Trap – or through tailored team development: BeTheCultureChange™

If you like to learn on video, follow the BeTheCultureChange™ YouTube channel here.

And to explore what’s possible for your teams or organisation, contact me here!