A slippery slope to dishonesty
Do you sometimes worry that someone might discover you're not as perfect, strong or knowledgeable as you’d like other people to believe?!
The norm in many organisations is that being vulnerable enough to admit this warrants shame, blame, embarrassment or punishment. Punitive approaches to being mistaken or fallible are endemic in many teams, making it more likely that people will forego honesty in a quest for acceptance and approval.
So, it's no surprise then, that a Pattern of Pretence often takes hold, meaning that people do whatever is needed to present an impression that everything's hunky-dory.
So, are you feeding into a Pattern of Pretence? I’m not suggesting that you or anyone else is lying, being intentionally fake or dishonest. Think of it like this: the Pattern of Pretence is a self-protecting set of behaviours, motivated by the human need to fit in and belong – and most of us need this to some extent.
I have seen endless examples of the Pattern of Pretence over the years, from science labs to distribution warehouses, from hospital wards to school staff rooms; from Whitehall to start-ups in a prefab, from religious pulpits to corporate boardrooms.
When people feel an expectation to present an impression that everything's fine, it's a slippery slope to dishonesty. It increases the chance of bad decisions, cover-ups and real human harm.
So, what’s an alternative?
Try swapping the Pattern of Pretence for Be Real beliefs and conversations. Here’s an example from one team I worked with:
From the Pattern of Pretence to Be Real beliefs and conversations
By recognising their tendency to go along with things and pretend everything was hunky dory, this team broke the Pattern of Pretence. This made it possible to be more honest together, and stop the harmful pattern of behaviour they had all inadvertently been colluding with.
Leaders and teams who have adopted the Be Real approach tell me it is “such a relief” to stop pretending and to start having conversations which are more honest, real and humbly human.
Less Pretence - Better Outcomes!
You can find more examples, and practical ways to make this shift in your teams in my forthcoming book – The Culture Trap – or by signing up to my leadership programme – BeTheCultureChange™
Are you read to escape The Culture Trap?