To be honest ... is sometimes easier said than done
Image by PencilParker at Pixabay
In so many relationship breakdowns at work, I see people desperate to have an honest conversation to air their concerns, seek to understand something or explore different perspectives and solutions.
Yet, do you find that being honest at work is sometimes easier said than done? Or that it inflames already difficult situations?
People often fall into some sticky traps when trying to communicate with honesty. Over many years, I’ve had my fair share of bloopers in this terrain. I’ve noticed that I and other people seem to stumble into three common mistakes when trying to simply be honest with colleagues. More often than not, these slip-ups can make a constructive dialogue far less likely, rather than more.
The three Predictable Pitfalls to watch out for are:
Labelling People
If you label, evaluate, judge or pigeonhole someone as e.g. unkind/kind, selfish/caring, greedy/generous, lax/controlling, rude/respectful, dishonest/honest, an energy sapper/ inspirational, a bully/victim, likely consequences include:
• people’s actions become motivated by chasing “positive” labels and avoiding “negative” labels
• a culture develops of seeking each other’s approval and avoiding each other’s disapproval
• choices and actions are based on “what will people think of me?” rather than “what’s the right thing for me to do?”
• authentic, honest, human connection becomes extremely difficult to achieve, skewing relationships into unhealthy power dynamics
2. Implying Bad Intentions
If you imply or assume that someone has negative or harmful intent, e.g. you’re trying to cause trouble / upset the team / show me up, likely consequences include:
• people take offence, withdraw cooperation, lose trust in you or retaliate
• these responses move you further apart rather than closer together
3. Making Demands
If demanding things from people and telling them what to do or how they ‘should’ be is your default way of interacting, likely consequences include:
• people being reluctant to take responsibility for themselves and their actions (e.g. “I was told to do it”)
• a culture of permission-seeking, dependency or adult-child dynamics
• people losing their sense of autonomy, agency and initiative
You can avoid these pitfalls and negative consequences by learning to be more Lovingly Honest.
To find out more about this practical skillset, here are some resources:
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