It wasn't intentional!
Do you ever find that your good intentions are misinterpreted by other people?
In my consulting work to client organisations over many years, I have had my intentions questioned on a number of occasions. Some more extreme examples include:
Rob: “You’re trying to destroy my company.”
Stella: “You’re raising difficult issues for the sake of it and making things awkward.”
Farah: “You’re trying to undermine my authority and deliberately showing me up.”
You perhaps won’t be surprised to hear that, from my point of view, these weren’t my intentions in these three cases. I admit to initially feeling rather astonished that Rob, Stella or Farah would perceive my actions or words to have such bad intentions behind them. As I reflected on each of these scenarios, my astonishment morphed into intrigue: how could my comments or actions – which I had offered in an attempt to help – be perceived as anything other than useful and constructive?
It became apparent to me that I had underestimated what I now refer to as The Fear Filter.
Given the pressure most people are working under, there are likely to be fears and vulnerabilities in most rooms, around most tables and in most conversations at work, to some extent. Even the best of intentions can be perceived as a threat when they pass through The Fear Filter. Here are some examples of how this can happen.
When you’re raising an uncomfortable issue at work, take into account The Fear Filter.
Consider:
1. Being very honest with yourself: what are your intentions in raising this issue and speaking up?
2. Assuming the people involved will have deep-seated, natural human fears and vulnerabilities, how might your good intentions be perceived as a threat by them?
3. Anticipating this, how could you offer compassion for the discomfort they might feel, whilst also courageously pursuing your intention to prevent wrongdoing or reduce harm?
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