From Frustration to Collaboration
Do you ever feel so frustrated that you need to have a good vent at work?
At times, most of us need to let out and express emotions, feelings and beliefs which might be hurtful to other people or damaging to our relationships.
Yet, huge problems occur when this becomes a pattern or norm at work.
It leads to unkind chuntering by the water cooler, gossiping behind closed doors, speaking badly of people when they’re not in the room, personal criticism, passive-aggressive banter – all of which erodes trust, goodwill and cooperation.
Healthy Venting is an alternative. So what is this and how do you model this as a leader?
Healthy Venting can be key in helping you to take care of your own emotional well-being and purge the strong feelings which might be leaking into your interactions with colleagues - without the risk of harming your relationships with them.
It can also be embedded into work with your colleagues and teams.
At an individual level, consider creating a contained space, place and time to healthily vent, in a way which works for you. This might be with a trusted person or people, ideally away from your work or where you won’t be overheard. Get things off your chest, share your feelings and frustrations. Expressing these openly and healthily can unblock your energy, and really help you to think more clearly.
For some people, private journaling works really well.
At a team level, Healthy Venting can be hugely beneficial. Here’s an example from Erik, who worked with me recently.
Erik leads several shift teams of warehouse assistants in a large distribution centre. He was concerned about arguments and tension amongst his teams at work which were creating an unhappy work environment in the distribution centre and causing breakdowns in communication, slowing down the warehouse operation and negatively affecting efficiency and profitability.
When Erik learnt about Healthy Venting on my leadership programme, he decided to try more openly acknowledging and discussing the pent-up frustrations in his team.
I listened with fascination as he described what he’d done:
“I’ve called it the Wellness Space,” he said. “In the middle of every shift, we all come together and I facilitate a conversation. I ask each person in turn to say out loud what they are cross, frustrated, worried or stressed about with how the operation is running that day or week. They can say exactly how they’re feeling and take the chance to get things off their chest. The rule is that you can name people involved but you don’t blame anyone else and you don’t personally criticise anyone. You just stick with describing what’s happening and why it’s causing you a problem.
“Once everyone has had their chance, the floor is open to any comments on what has just been said. Only after the conversation on that topic has come to a natural end do we agree that there will be ‘no more moaning’.
“We then move on to working out what to do and how to solve the issues. Sometimes I need to get involved, but often it’s just a case of clearing the air, people feeling heard – and they’re then willing to go off and sort out problems between themselves.”
I recently followed up with Erik to ask him whether he’d noticed any impact from this approach. His email reply listed several tangible changes (in his words):
o More open and honest conversations are occurring naturally in everyday interactions, because people are understanding how their colleagues think, feel and like to communicate.
o There have been indirect professional development lessons learnt from the discussions such as how to maturely and fairly approach difficult conversations.
o People have less built-up frustrations, which would normally lead to outbursts that aren’t directly aimed at each other but explode because of their built-up anger.
o Created a more collaborative working environment – everyone understands each other’s work better and seem to value each other more
Erik seemed quite surprised when I told him that, in my experience, the leadership he is offering his team is far more emotionally intelligent, courageous, skilled and sophisticated than many managers and leaders I have worked with who are twice his age and more.
Frustrations are inevitable when human beings are trying to get good work done together. By learning how to lead in more H.U.M.A.N. ways, you’ll improve your relationships, influence and culture in your teams.
Together, we can BeTheCultureChange™
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