When saying Yes becomes a Danger Zone

How often do you and your teams say Yes when you’re yearning to say No?

When you say Yes in a scenario where your needs aren’t being met and neither are the needs of your colleagues… this is a nothing short of a danger zone. Without realising it, you’re possibly choosing a Risky Yes.

A Risky Yes occurs when healthy boundaries have drifted so much that you, your colleagues or your clients are at high risk of harm or burnout. It’s utterly counterproductive and unsustainable. And yet, it has become the norm in so many work cultures.

Scenarios at work where you’re in a Risky Yes are those where:

• You and others are at risk of becoming unwell from stress
• Safety and/or quality for your customers or clients is at risk
• You and colleagues are turning against each other in the struggle to survive
• Expectations are not being met by you or your colleagues
• It’s only a matter of time before a breaking point is reached

Potential for real harm
Illness and burnout
Damages goodwill & performance
Unsustainable long-term

Like every aspect of culture, jointly with your colleagues, it’s something you can choose to continue or to change.

Raj was supporting a group of technical colleagues and project managers as they undertook a huge digital transformation programme of work across an organisation employing more than 25,000 people. It was high stakes, high investment and high profile. In group coaching with me he said:

“They were completely disgruntled – continual delays, shifting goalposts, relentless pressure, long hours, tight deadlines, fears that the roll-out of the programme was going to be a disaster. They felt unheard, excluded from key decisions and taken for granted. The turnover was terrible –people leaving the team every week. So much blame! Blaming management and lots of blaming each other. It seemed to me that their ability as colleagues to be considerate and supportive of each other had completely diminished. They were just in survival mode.”

Raj continued:

“I got them in a room and I showed them The Menu of Yes™. When they looked at it, some of them gasped. They were like: ****** (expletive!), that Risky Yes is exactly what it feels like! It was quite a shock for them to begin with. Have we really let it get this bad? And then there was a palpable sense of relief in the room. We can’t go on like this. It’s putting the whole project at risk. So what do we need to do differently?”

The Menu of Yes™ is no magic wand – such things don’t exist when working with complex human dynamics. Rather, it’s a powerful way of opening up a different type of conversation – where people can recognise the risks when boundaries drift and when stress-induced patterns of behaviour lead to Resentful and Risky Yes.

With Raj’s help, the team realised the huge risks at play – for their own health, their relationships as colleagues and the ultimate delivery of the programme. It was the beginning of new and different ways of working, to take the programme forward in a much more positive way.

Are your teams drifting into Risky Yes? Do you yearn to hold healthier boundaries, individually or jointly in your work?

Download a summary of The Menu of Yes™ here, along with other practical resources

Get the full Healthier Boundaries guidance in The Culture Trap book - available here

If your team needs practical, impactful support to cope with the pressures they’re under, contact me for a confidential conversation.