Feeling Resentful? It may be time for healthier boundaries

If you say Yes or agree to something when someone else’s needs are being met but yours aren’t, the chances are you’re choosing a Resentful Yes.

The relationships and partnerships at work where you’re giving a Resentful Yes are those where:

• you feel negative, critical or begrudging towards another person / people
• consequently, you’re struggling to feel compassion and consideration for them
• you’re feeling as if your needs are less important than theirs
• this is having a negative effect on your motivation, health, energy or effectiveness

Does this sound at all familiar?

The Menu of Yes™ is no magic wand – such things don’t exist when working with complex human dynamics. Rather, it’s a powerful way of opening up a different type of conversation – where people can recognise the harm when boundaries drift and when stress-induced patterns of behaviour lead to Resentful and Risky Yes.

Many leaders and team members I work with readily identify that they are operating in Resentful Yes for some of the time, often without even being conscious of it. When they learn together to have clear, candid and compassionate conversations about mutual expectations, it shifts people away from resentment and into Generous or Wholehearted Yes.

It can be helpful to remember:

A bit like oil and water, Resentment and Compassion don’t mix.

Healthy Boundaries reduce Resentment.

Are your teams drifting into Resentful Yes? Do you yearn to hold healthier boundaries, individually or jointly in your work?

Download a summary of The Menu of Yes™ here, along with other practical resources

Get the full Healthier Boundaries guidance in The Culture Trap book - available here

If you and your team would love to feel less resentment and more compassion, contact me for a confidential conversation.