Swimming against the tide?

Do you ever feel as if you’re swimming against the tide?

In my work, I’ve had this feeling at various times in my life, and it has increased over the past year. The tide sometimes feels like a tsunami! At times, I wonder whether I have the energy, power and will to keep swimming in line with my True North.

In my work, the strong waves and undercurrents I’ve been noticing include:

• human interactions and relationships increasingly becoming de-humanised, automated and turned into processes rather than dialogues between people

• power in teams, organisations, society and the world being used to dominate, control or manipulate rather than to liberate people

• fear, blame, shame and scarcity-based interactions between people - rather than finding effective ways to acknowledge and express emotions, and work out what meaningful impact /accountability involves

• a thirst for deceptively straightforward solutions to complex human issues, rather than the sustainable work of facing and navigating the mess with courage and humility

So, if you feel as if you’re going against the grain or rowing upstream, how can you sustain your energy, passion and self belief? One way is to Magnetise Yourself.

Just as magnets attract and repel, Magnetise Yourself means accepting that there will be people who will really like who you are, what you do and what you stand for. And equally, there will be people who really don’t!

I’ve learned to be content for people to approve of me or not to approve of me. It’s not my job to force them, persuade them, cajole them or placate them into liking or disliking my contribution in the world.

This doesn’t mean it’s my way or the highway. I can be open to hearing their perspectives and taking these into account. It’s simply that some will choose to ally with me and others won’t, and vice versa.

I respect many people who have diplomatic skills, who can take a measured, balanced view of different perspectives on a situation. It’s something I have got (slightly) better at (maybe!) as I’ve got older.

And yet, at the same time, my experience is that such an equivocal stance can show up at times as sitting on the fence, as bland and uninspiring, not really standing for anything, or in more extreme cases, disingenuous when it involves agreeing with whoever happens to be in the room at the time, or whoever is perceived to have the most power or influence.

Imagine choosing to worry less what other people might think of you. What they think is up to them and largely out of your control. You will attract those people who share your passion, enabling you to put energy into what you can collectively change. And the chances are, you will put off those people who are never going to share your aspirations. Perhaps that’s their right, and it’s possible to respect these differences without ire, resentment or offence, and without concluding that you or they are somehow wrong.

Rather than waste energy on arguing the toss, what would it involve to spend your energy on Magnetising Yourself, in the knowledge that this will attract and inspire the right people?

[*As a brief caveat on the Magnetise Yourself approach, and extending the metaphor, I do appreciate that life at work can be miserable or worse if the effect your manager, colleagues or stakeholders have on you and vice versa is like a force field pushing you apart. I have had several experiences of this in the workplace and have supported many people over the years where fundamental incompatibilities in relationships have caused a lot of stress, unhappiness, or even led to psychological breakdowns and dismissals. The Magnetise Yourself approach is not appropriate or helpful for everyone. Yet, I have seen the liberating effect it can have for some people when they stop hedging their bets and start following their values, showing their integrity more.]

Sending energy your way!